Whatever You May Be
by Sergeant OwlFox
Summary: [[ vignettes and poems ]] Whatever you may be, whatever you perceive the world to be, whatever you believe me to be, I will never stop supporting you.
1. before

Whatever you may be, who you are in my eyes will never change.

Whatever you may be, how I gaze at you so fondly will never waver.

Whatever you may be, why you hold such spite for yourself, I will never know.

Whatever you may be, wherever you are, I will never be without you.

Whatever you may be, the time I spent with you will never feel as if it will end.

Whatever you may be, when you die will never be for you to choose.

We will choose your path together.


	2. 1 - birds and breadcrumbs

Perhaps what I'd feared most was Summoning someone who would rebel against me, threaten me or throw us both into the path of danger. I'm not totally sure, but I think that's what it was.

I'm not sure why I felt like that, though. Well, then again I'm writing this down long after I actually performed that Summoning. Y'see, the Servant I got out of that Summoning was one I hadn't expected to get at all.

Mash informed me that I was likely to get a Saber class Servant, for reasons I can't quite recall, but she was completely and utterly wrong.

It was the opposite, really. Rather than getting a noble knight of the Saber class, when the light and wind settled down, I found myself standing before a large man with what seemed to be a thick forest of red feathers going around his neck, from the front of his shoulders and circling around his back to meet the other shoulder. I would have called it a plumage but seeing as his appearance probably wasn't based off of some random blood-red bird with a long black tail, spikes protruding out the sides.

His chest was unclothed, revealing dark red marks, forming a symbol that resembled a tomoe, though only if one were to add rather random swirls towards the end of the magatama, and a thin-lined yet complex Celtic knot on his abdominal muscles.

The sides of his upper body were being tightly grasped onto by more black, with red lining and what looked like claws joining in and making it look like the man would stab himself in any moment. Rings around his legs made of what were probably black bones, his feet were either heavily misshapen or just weren't _feet_ , since they looked a lot like high-heeled boots of some ridiculous sort.

More feathers wrapped around his ankles, jostling irritably as the air stilled.

The muted and dark purple hood over his head covered a majority of his face, since the lighting wasn't all that good, and that didn't do me much justice in studying his features, but the red marks reaching from below his eyes to his lower cheeks were clear enough. The most memorable part about him, I'd say.

Not that I'd easily forget the man who resembled something straight from a child's nightmares, but that's beside the point. His gloved hands grasped tightly onto a rather threatening crimson spear, the blade itself being much larger than I would have expected of such a weapon, the length easily taller than the man himself.

His earrings glinted in the dim light as a pair of piercing scarlet eyes bored into me, glancing over my minuscule and unimpressive frame (compared to him, anyways, then again it'd be hard to find someone with a better or stronger form than him), as if calculating something.

I had tensed considerably, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up straight as I felt sweat gather above my brow. The man's scrutinizing gaze made me feel like I was nothing; like I should crawl into a corner, curl up and disappear.

It was his surprisingly smooth and calm voice that brought me to my senses.

"Boy, are you my Master?"

I flinched, still feeling nervous. Trying to find the right words to say, I could just feel that I wouldn't be able to start things off smoothly. Praying that I wouldn't, I opened my trembling lips to reply.

"Y-Yes...I'm Ritsuka Fujimaru...pleased to meet you..?" Internally, a breath of relief passed through my body, doing my best to ignore the fact that I had really asked a question than said a statement. And luckily, the man did not seem to care much about the tone I had used.

"Cúchulainn, Berserker. I've responded to your Summons," he introduced, voice still flat and devoid of emotion. I blinked in surprise.

Cúchulainn? I'd never heard the name before, not that that said much, seeing as I hadn't really ever done much research into folktales, mythology or any of that. That didn't mean the name didn't sound familiar though. The man looked somewhat familiar but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"I-I see," I nodded shakily, but this time Berserker took note of this. His eyes narrowed a fraction and the sweat gathering around my brow worsened. The crimson orbs hardened, growing colder, but whether he was disappointed, dissatisfied or unimpressed by my suddenly nervous nature, I could not tell.

"...I'm too strong for you to be able to command me right now, boy. A weak-minded child such as you should not be participating, however I will do what you ask of me."

Berserker's words felt like they had shot an arrow straight through me, a pang in my chest making me jolt subtly. Being insulted right off the bat by my Servant who I'd only _just_ Summoned wasn't going to help my self-esteem any.

Not that he was wrong, though. I was never able to actually fight against anything; I'd been too afraid to even try. Mash had always taken care of it, or someone else. Mash, the Director, or Caster.

"I'll keep that in mind," I assured him, glancing towards the ground.

Berserker stared at me a moment longer before studying his surroundings. We were standing in a blue-lit chamber with a transparent floor, a contraption resembling Mash's Shield below it. Carved into the flooring below Berserker's feet(?) was the Summoning circle, with a card just before him.

A card?

Upon second inspection, it appeared that there was indeed a card lying innocently on the floor directly in front of the terrifying beast that was Berserker.

I would have retrieved it out of curiosity, however I was not willing to risk getting too close to Berserker after the previously-said words, possibly of spite of some variation. I'd have to wait until the Servant left.

While it was way off out of my head and in space, my mind wandered back to how familiar Berserker seemed to be, but why I did not know. I hadn't seen his entire face, so I couldn't make any sure guesses right off the bat. But if I didn't even know who Cúchulainn is, how could I possibly find him familiar?

I frowned lightly as I rubbed the palm of my left hand with my right, still confused. Perhaps I would ask him later? Yes, perhaps. That might be the best idea.

And even though I was almost sure the man would just scoff at me and tell me I'm an idiot, I still wanted to know. Thinking about it again, I remembered Berserker was terrifying and I didn't want to even draw close to the possibility of angering him. He seemed to be the type to mercilessly rid the face of the Earth of those he disliked within seconds. I broke into a cold sweat again upon the mere thought of the Servant killing me. With all the spikes and talons on his body, I could only imagine in what way he would choose to give me my ultimate demise.

It was only then that I realized Berserker had been studying me. For how long I have no idea, but he had been for what I presumed to be some time.

"I - uhm - can I help you?" I cursed myself when my voice came out as barely more than a squeak and a whisper. The fear I felt from standing anywhere near him was crawling up my spine, chilling my skin, creating goosebumps that rubbed unpleasantly against the fabric of my uniform.

Berserker stared at me a moment longer before grunting and looking away. "Is there anything that I've been called for specifically?" If it weren't for his choice of words, I wouldn't have known what he said was a question, his voice was so flat and monotone it would be impossible to tell otherwise.

"Well..." I fiddled with the hem of my jacket, gaze turned towards the floor. "Yes, but, I, uh, don't really know how to, y'know, uhm, explain it...?" My words were barely comprehensible, sounding like a muddled mess of stammers and second-guesses.

"I see." Berserker threw me an unimpressed and slightly annoyed look that made me feel smaller than I already had been feeling; it made me feel like a speck of dust on the ground, standing before a wild beast who had generously decided to watch me blow around on the floor but not fly into the air like most specks of dust probably would.

I'm a disappointing and horrible Master, I told myself. You won't be able to do any of this.

"Let's move," his bored tone cut into me and I felt like drifting away under a desk and disappear from sight. "We have better things to do than sit around in here with you acting like some kid with no candy."

My head drooped more but I nodded and turned around, hoping he would at least follow me so I could show him to where we'd be spending our time between Singularities.


	3. beginning

Whatever you may be, how I take your hands into mine will never change.

Whatever you may be, the music that plays in my mind when we're together will never stop.

Whatever you may be, the corrupted world around us will never be the same gradient of colors in your eyes and mine.

Whatever you may be, when it comes time to part, I will always have your memory with me.

Whatever you may be, I will treasure you until the end of the world comes upon us and steals my soul.

Whatever you may be, the life in your eyes you try to vanquish will never disappear.

We will save your warmth together.


	4. 2 - sheep in wolf's skin

I'd Summoned Berserker just after leaving Singularity D. I didn't have the time to Summon anyone while I was there, after all. It was a miracle I had enough time to create enough Saint Quartz to carry out a Summon right after, too.

These things are small amounts of Od and Mana taken slowly over time to create a crystal. Saint Quartz.

The name is a little ridiculous, seeing as I'm no Saint myself, but I just went along with Doctor Roman's explanation. It really wasn't worth arguing over.

Anyways, these Saint Quartz can be used for a lot of things once you've accumulated enough Od and Mana to make one. And the use I'm probably going to mention the most is Summoning.

To carry out this Ritual, as apparently discovered by Chaldea, you have the option to, rather than use a catalyst, utilize three Saint Quartz. Pretty annoying to make enough to carry out a Ritual, but it's better than sitting around and not Summoning at all - with the world pretty destroyed and kinda removed from existence and all that, Summoning would be impossible otherwise.

And just my luck too; after having _finally_ created a measly _three_ Saint Quartz (the Director had claimed she could make several without much effort, so my ability in this field is nothing in comparison), Summon a Berserker. _This_ Berserker, especially.

I'd hated that moment for the longest time - when he made me feel so inferior that I shouldn't exist. But after being around him for maybe a week in Chaldea, I noticed he hadn't said a single thing anything like it since.

Was he just getting me prepared for what was to come? I wasn't sure, and I even asked him once, but he just stared at me before going back to gazing out the window at the seemingly endless void just beyond it. Berserker's expression changed whenever he set his eyes on the black nothingness, like he yearned for it, like he just wanted to jump out the window as if he were knocking down the door of his home for the first time in years.

These moments I spent next to him, usually; we sat down on the ledge beside the window, me facing him, and I would study him as he seemed to get lost in the black destruction outside. There was one time when Berserker didn't even notice me crawl over to him tiredly and lean my head on his arm. I even fell asleep hugging his arm, but he didn't react.

When I woke up, he hadn't moved a muscle, it seemed like he hadn't blinked either, but that's probably not possible. He has to blink. Right?

It was only after my twenty-seventh time poking him that his focus averted from the window, but now it was focused on me. I smiled nervously up at him and hesitantly grasped his wrist with my thin, pale hands, seeming even paler against his pure black arm.

"Staring out the window all day can't be good for you...come on Berserker, let's do something else," I tugged on him and his red eyes bore into mine. For a split second, I could see my own sea blue reflected in them, creating a light purple, before it disappeared as Berserker blinked. He looked away from me and let out a bit of a snort before standing, but not enough for his wrist to be completely out of my reach.

"...alright," he stated, before giving me another glance. I hurriedly stood, still holding onto him, before jumping down from the ledge and smiling at him - wholeheartedly this time, happy he hadn't given me a scornful glare.

"I've got more Saint Quartz that Mash and Doctor Roman made, do you want to try Summoning another Servant with me?" The question sent a ghost of surprise across his face before it disappeared - it came and went so quickly that I had to question myself if it had ever been there in the first place.

"I don't care," was his steady reply, and my heart dropped ever so slightly, but I nodded and began to pull him along down the hallway - at first with strong yanks before they shrank into gentle and short jerks. It didn't take me long to realize he'd begun to walk behind me. My heart lightened up, beating faster out of excitement.

Maybe Berserker wasn't nearly as scary as he let himself off to be?


	5. alone

Whatever you may be, your hands cannot wrap themselves around my throat and silence me.

Whatever you may be, your arms cannot crush my frail body in your strong grip.

Whatever you may be, your scowls cannot dishearten my thin fingers from grasping onto yours.

Whatever you may be, your feel cannot leave the ground just long enough to never return.

Whatever you may be, your heart cannot stop beating until the game is over and your piece destroyed.

Whatever you may be, your mind cannot cease in wandering into the darkness.

We will weep together.


	6. 3 - on the shoulders of mountains

Travelling was always fun.

Berserker would sometimes let me sit on his tail, or on his shoulders if I was tired, that is, if he wasn't in a particularly snappy mood. Of course, I preferred his shoulders as there was a smaller risk of being unceremoniously pierced by his tail spike things.

Don't scoff at me like that, I really don't know what they're called.

It really wasn't much better on his shoulders (not that it was bad, since sitting on your tall Servant's shoulders after hours of walking feels quite nice), with the large plumage of red surrounding his neck, forcing me to sit between it and the back of Berserker's head, but at least it would provide some sort of falling-prevention. (Is that even a valid phase?)

Whenever we walked along, and I needed to rest, at first I had to ask if we could. While everyone around me was a Servant and therefore didn't need as much rest, I'm a mere human, an unfortunate and physically lacking species that has no physical capabilities even close to those of a Heroic Spirit.

This carried on for a bit before Berserker seemed to get slightly irritated by the "constant stopping," which I can't really blame him for; he has better things to do than stop every seven or so hours of walking and watch over a frail kid who isn't even a capable Master.

One time, he suddenly lifted me up with his tail, onto his shoulders, and left the group of Servants (Mash, Jeanne and all the others) without a word. They'd jostled on behind, trying not to run, but still attempting to keep up with Berserker's slow yet large strides as he walked along, acting as if he really couldn't be bothered to acknowledge their existence and that he just wanted to get this over with.

I was surprised at first, but after a moment, I carefully rested my chin on the top of his head, feeling the surprisingly soft and smooth material of his hood, Berserker's hair beneath providing a little more of a cushion-like feel to it than if it were not there. My back whined lightly at me as I was bending it quite a bit too much after having tired it out for a long time, but I ignored it.

Not detecting any particular complaint from the Servant's end, my legs that had been dangling on either side of Berserker's neck eased, no longer tensed like that had a moment before. Slowly and cautiously, I rested my cheek on his head, and my hands found each other below his chin, and I intertwined them, my knuckles brushing against his collarbones.

For a moment, I watched the horizon of the vibrant and bright fields of emerald green bob up and down, in perfect sync with Berserker's walking, at the same pace, following his own tempo.

My heartbeat became almost sluggish, my eyelids growing heavy, and I closed them, my breaths evening out.

Just before I slipped away, I felt a large hard grasp onto mine and tug on them lightly. A slight jump in Berserker's step and my body shifted a slight bit closer to his head, and the cold fingers held onto both of my small paws, the palm strangely warm.

And just before I dozed off, I swear I had heard Berserker mutter something in annoyance. But it wasn't _angry_ annoyance, no, not at all.

After all, there's a difference between _angry_ annoyance and _amused_ annoyance.

A _very_ distinctive difference.


	7. morph

Whatever you may be, even the holiest of beings will become tainted and corrupt those around them.

Whatever you may be, even the sky cannot fall; the dreams of others will always remain, you cannot erase them so easy.

Whatever you may be, even the Earth will end some day, and we will no longer have ground to tread upon.

Whatever you may be, even the most powerful elixirs cannot unlock the gate to free those we have lost, those we wish to embrace.

Whatever you may be, even the strong arms you hold me in cannot touch me forever, and will one day only reach into the cold air.

Whatever you may be, even the highest of kings cannot stop the hourglass from letting all the grains of sand pass through the bridge.

We will mourn all of our losses together.


	8. 4 - red-faced

It was a week before my birthday was to come around the corner, and I hadn't really thought to tell anyone - I was sure they all had better things to do than worry about such an unimportant thing.

Well, I probably should have guessed that Archer would confront me about my birthday. Actually, should I have? Now that I think about it again, it makes complete sense why I was so startled when he asked me.

I was simply sitting across from Berserker, per usual, trying to create some Saint Quartz (to nearly no avail) while the colossal Servant absentmindedly gazed out the window, when the gold-clad man walked up behind me without me realizing.

"You, mongrel." I started at the sound of his harsh voice, almost breaking into a cold sweat. My focus on my hands broke and the half-manifested crystal shattered, making me even more disheartened. I stared at the shimmering dust in an almost forlorn manner before remembering that Archer was standing just beside me.

Hurriedly, I looked up at him and almost flinching when my blue eyes met his (yet another pair of) sharp red eyes. However, they didn't seem nearly as mocking as they usually were. And, only adding to my surprise, he wasn't wearing his large and somewhat-bulky golden armor like he usually was.

I sensed a change in the air around Berserker when he noticed the other Servant, but I didn't dare say anything about it, it would likely only get me killed or hurt.

"I, er...y-yes, your Highness...?" The words came out in a jumble, as usual, but, unlike usual, Archer seemed unfazed. I had expected him to either scowl upon hearing my nervousness or laugh at me, but there was no implication he even felt the slightest motivation to do either of those things. Rather, his crimson orbs seemed to get a tad _softer_.

Unnerving.

"The shield-wielder - " Mash's gentle expression flashed through my mind when he mentioned her, " - informed me that your birthday is next week. I presume she has not dared to lie to me?"

Again, I flinched, but this time to the brief image of Archer hurting Mash upon the possibility that she had told him such a silly fib.

"I - no, uhm, she is correct...October second, to be a bit more exact..." The ghost of a smirk flashed over his lips, and my heart was pounding out of slight fear. "Your Highness, if I may..."

"I see you are learning to respect my position. What is it?"

"Why...why exactly do you ask? It's nothing particularly important..." At this a furious scowl covered his face, but before I could even shout out a string of apologies, it was gone.

"You fool - it is the day of your birth, a day you must celebrate. And, I would not be living up to the title of the best Servant if I did not know when this day was, hm?" The expectant and frustrated tone in his voice made me feel like cowering (yet another man who could make me feel like nothing with little effort), but I stood (sat?) still.

"O-Of course..." I bowed my head, ashamed. What he said made sense, but still, it wasn't normal for Archer to show such concern over such a trivial thing. He humphed contentedly, and a chill shot down my spine when I felt his hand ruffle my hair, the feeling of smooth skin and not-too-sharp nails against my scalp bringing blood rushing to my face.

I had never felt his bare hands, much less seen them.

"You foolish boy - you must not underestimate my emotional capacity." His words sounded mildly amused, and I squeezed my eyes shut out of embarrassment.

It was when his hand was nearly yanked from my head that I whipped my head up to see what had happened, afraid I had done something wrong, only to see Berserker there beside me, hand tightly grasping Archer's wrist and a subtle fire in his eyes. Archer's expression had quickly shifted from ever-so-slightly affectionate to enraged, and before I knew it, Berserker had pulled me behind him.

"What do _you_ want, filthy mutt?"

The aggression hanging in the air made me want to choke, but I didn't even dare to breathe with the tension that was surrounding the three of us.

"..." Berserker didn't reply - I couldn't tell if the huge Servant's expression had changed at all, but Gilgamesh's scowl deepened.

"Boy, we will resume talking later when this barbarian is not present." I nodded nervously and Gilgamesh humphed, acknowledging my response before turning around, sending Berserker one last glare (to establish that their dangerous staring contest had not ended and was simply on pause), and striding off.

Berserker waited until Gilgamesh was out of sight and a few seconds longer before his form relaxed and he looked at me over his shoulder. I would have apologized if not for the expression in his eyes - the concern and self-frustration startled me. (I'd thought I'd already had enough exposition to hidden personalities for the day but apparently fate thought otherwise.)

"Berserker...why did you...?" I trailed off, not feeling particularly confident in myself as the soft emotions drained from Berserker's face.

"...bastard kings can't be trusted..." There was more to his statement, but he had mumbled the rest so I wasn't quite sure what he had said. I blinked, but didn't inquire. Another moment of silence passed, before he turned his whole body to face me and crouched down so his eyes were on the same level as my own, and he reached his talons towards me.

I, of course, flinched backwards and Berserker hesitated before ruffling my hair. The unpleasant scratching of his rather long fingernails that occasionally brushed against my scalp made me shiver, but I didn't protest. It wasn't every day that he did such a thing, after all.

Pulling away, my head suddenly felt very cold and I looked back up at him, my eyes meeting a pair of soft red eyes.

So soft.

"...Berserker...?"

"Huh?"

"You, uhm...have...you have really pretty eyes."

My words seemed to shock him slightly, a flustered blink and barely raised eyebrows being my only responses.

We entered an awkward silence before he slowly reached out and petted my head again, but more carefully this time, like he was afraid of pushing too hard.

He opened his mouth to speak, before closing it again and nodding with a grunt.

My face turned red again and I hid my face in my hands.

"Why did I say that...?"

I heard a snort and a quiet laugh, but I would have made more note of it if I wasn't already so preoccupied with the huge levels of distress hitting me.


	9. hatred

Whatever you may be, your red eyes will never shake me.

Whatever you may be, your deep scowls and sharp claws will never hurt me.

Whatever you may be, your harsh words shall not hinder me.

Whatever you may be, the blood on your hands will be washed away once you place your hands in mine.

Whatever you may be, the guilt on your shoulders will be lifted in due time.

Whatever you may be, the pain you feel is never something you experience alone.

We will suffer together.


	10. 5 - fireside mysteries

At some point, Doctor Roman had suggested we all ask each other questions to get to know each other better, but I believe he prompted it to get rid of the awkward silence that was hanging over us as we sat in the forest to camp for the night.

Naturally, I sat between Berserker and Mash, Archer relenting and sitting beside the female Servant (muttering his displeasure with the thought of sitting beside the massive man to my right), while Nero and the others sat across from us. The small fire that I had made very recently seemed that it would last for a bit longer, so we made use of it while we could, Mash coming back with a few fruits (hell if I know what they were; they looked suspicious and smelled off, but I had to eat _something_ ), which I roasted over the fire and consumed a few minutes later.

Never before had I regretted something so intensely.

But after this, and I was still recovering, that's when we were sitting in a tense atmosphere, glancing at one another. Save Archer, of course, who was simply sleeping as he sat. (How did he do that? I really should have asked him at some point.)

Of course, after Doctor Roman offered his idea, excited words were spilling out of Nero's mouth, all about herself and how great Rome was. This seemed to irk Archer, but he said nothing, much to my surprise. Berserker didn't seem all that interested, and neither was I until I suddenly found her finger in front of my face, demanding I introduce myself.

"Uhm..." I hesitated, not sure what to say.

"Well? Say something!"

"Uh...hi?" Nero nodded, urging me to continue. "I'm Ritsuka Fujimaru, and I'm a teenager who's been tasked with saving mankind...no pressure at all..." Archer snorted in amusement to my left but I chose to ignore him.

"You're so boring! Say something else!" Her harsh voice made me flinch, but Mash's hand that was placed on my leg in a form of consolation brought me back to the ground.

"I'm Ritsuka Fujimaru, born on a Monday, the sixth of December, 2000 in the Kumamoto prefecture in Japan," I said rushed, some words slurring together. Thankfully, Nero seemed to have caught it all and nodded again, silently asking me to go on. "Er...I have two mothers, no siblings..." My mind blanked, trying to find anything else noteworthy to bring up.

"Two moms?"

I looked up, turning to Mash who seemed a tad surprised. It took me a second to realize why.

"Well, yes - originally I had a mom and a dad, but they divorced at my mom's request and I stayed with her - she eventually remarried, so now I have two moms," I explained. Mash's mouth opened in an 'o' like shape, in understanding. Only now noticing, no one else in the circle seemed particularly phased by this.

Nero seemed eager for me to continue, Archer seemed as if he honestly couldn't care less, and Berserker was still gazing down at me with calm eyes. He seemed intrigued by the whole story, but wasn't getting caught up in that detail.

"Master, are you going to carry on?" Lancer's smooth and somewhat nasally voice brought my attention back to the present, though my focus was now on the Servant sitting across from me.

The forever-smiling man seemed laid-back as ever, his closed eyes still smiling at him. His almost-white green hair just barely hung over his black lashes, his lips curled upwards, as if forever amused.

"Oh - right, uhm - where was I?" I murmured.

Lancer leaned his cheek on his palm; "you've got two moms," he reminded and I smiled briefly in thanks.

"And, uhm, there isn't really too much interesting about that up until I was dragged off to Chaldea as a potential Master," I finished and Nero seemed to be much more pleased with this than before.

"I see, I see! Much more interesting!" She leaned close to me and I instinctively leaned backwards. I heard a snort from Archer but he made no move to stop the emperor.

"Er...can I help you with something?" I asked nervously.

"So, how many Servants do you have? Who are they?" She ignored my inquiry and went on with her own, making me inwardly sigh before thinking for a moment.

"Let's see...Berserker, Lancer, Archer, Archer, Lancer, Caster, Saber, Mash, Assassin, Berserker, Berserker, Rider...and Assassin," I murmured to myself, counting on my fingers before looking up to meet her curious eyes. "Thirteen Servants; Cú, Lancer, Gilgamesh, Emiya, Cú and another Cú, Artoria, Mash, Stheno, Heracles, Lancelot, Saint Martha and Camilla," I explained.

" 'Lancer?' " Doctor Roman questioned. "Did you not tell Ritsuka your True Name?"

The attention shifted to the Servant in question, whose expression showed no change, and merely tilted his head. "Oh, did I forget to tell you?" I nodded. "Well, th' name's Yōsuke. Nothing special."

There was a short silence, before Mash ventured to ask "where or what are you from?"

Unrevealing as ever, Lancer simply shrugged.

"My story ain't interestin'. I doubt any of y'all know it anyways," he stated.

Hearing his words, my mind immediately jumped to Emiya. He himself stated that his tales were nothing worth of note, that he wasn't exactly hero and that it wasn't worth looking into.

"Are you like Mister Emiya?" I made sure not to use 'Archer' for now, seeing as my primary Archer was just beside me and I didn't want to cause any confusion.

"I s'pose you could say that," Lancer shrugged.

"Well, you can always tell me later," I smiled cheerfully at him and he held up a hand in 'thanks,' before I cleared my throat, not wanting to confront the awkward silence that was fast approaching.

"Nero, do you have anything _you_ want to tell _us_?"

Her eyes burst into sparkles as she stood up suddenly, throwing her arms into the air as well. "I'm so glad you asked, my dear Ritsuka!"

Suddenly, regret crept up my back.

We were going to be staying up all night listening to her again.

* * *

 **Okay, first author's note!**

 **I was thinking over this little pack of vignettes and I realized I'd forgotten to mention this previously. This story, WYMB, is part of a larger...series?**

 **I don't really know what to call it, but to describe it it's part of a large collection of stories, most of which having yet to be published, which are all related to one another and take place in the Nasuverse (more specifically, generally based off of the Fate series). I wanted to bring this up is because, if you are interested in reading or are reading Post-Meridian, one of the parts that's out right now, WYMB holds a** ** _lot_** **of spoilers for the end of that, as well as the other books that will be in the Meridian series.**

 **Also, I only recently realized that this story can be interpreted differently than intended, so I wanted to clarify that this story** is not a romance story **; more specifically, this story is not a Berserker/Ritsuka BL nor yaoi story. There is a reason I didn't put Romance as one of the genres. I have a lot planned for this collection of stories, and in no part of it is there a "Ritsuka falls in love with his Servant and acts like a shy rabbit when he's around him."**

 **Everything I put in this is almost guaranteed to have a reason to be here.**

 **There** ** _will_** **be bits of romance included here and there, but, spoiler alert, Ritsuka ain't fallin' in love with no one.**

 **That's just about it, thanks!**


	11. disposition

Whatever you may be, your life will hold more meaning than mine.

Whatever you may be, your body will hold out longer than mine.

Whatever you may be, your soul will forever remain.

Whatever you may be, you must not despise yourself.

Whatever you may be, the mask you keep wearing will not last forever.

Whatever you may be, your eyes will never gaze at me with the emotions others seem to think they hold.

We must cleanse ourselves together.


	12. 6 - mutual agreements

Possibly one of the strangest experiences I had back then were the sheer _amount_ of Cú Chulainns I was actually commanding.

You'd think that I'd only Summon one, that one being Berserker, but apparently there were three other versions of the Heroic Spirit that for some reason decided to come knocking at my door and begin working with me as well. I'd had them with me ever since the Orleans Singularity, but the fact that I'd began to rely on them heavily as a part of my team made it confusing.

With a somewhat constant group of Berserker, the other three Cú Chulainns, and Archer, I had to make sure to refer to them appropriately, which wouldn't be all that hard if there weren't two Lancers. Yōsuke used to be a staple, but ever since he and Archer Emiya had talked over something, the two of them spent most of their time simply sitting in silence and enjoying each other's company or chatting idly, sometimes trying to fix something Doctor Roman had broken.

I never thought about the relationship between the two that much since they seemed to be getting along very well despite their rough start. I asked Archer Emiya about it, but he simply shrugged and stated that "He's an old acquaintance of mine...in a way."

That obviously didn't satisfy me but it didn't look like the two of them were going to tell me any time soon so I let it slip for now (for then? I'm not sure how to put it).

Another reason Yōsuke was no longer on my team was because of the strange interactions between him, Archer and Berserker. Yōsuke seemed fine with the two Lancers and Caster, but something about the other two seemed to either piss him off or get him excited.

Archer and Yōsuke had some sort of silent mutual agreement to occasionally gang up on Berserker for whatever reason and reprimand him for doing something I didn't and still don't know about. The other three Cú Chulainns seemed to know what was happening, though, (especially Caster; his reactions were much more clear and decisive than the other two,) but they all left me in the dark and revealed nothing to me.

Speaking of secrets, don't even get me started on the Red Berserker. Well, what he was like at the time anyways.

He was a bit of an anomaly to say the least, not to mention he didn't even introduce himself when I first Summoned him, he only said "bright," squinted at me, glared at Berserker, before walking off. I was so confused, I wasn't sure if I'd done something wrong, and that seemed to set off the blue-haired Servant just behind me.

That was the first time I'd seen him so angry, I could have sworn his eyes were flashing with rage. He stomped off after the Red Berserker before I could even ask him what was wrong, and didn't stop when I called after him. I didn't know what happened until a few hours later when he simply stated, "We're weapons, and if a weapon can't be used, then it's worthless."

I gave him a startled look, before frowning and crawling over to him on my bed, standing on my knees at the foot of it so my head was level with his collarbones. We had a short stare-off before I dared lift my finger and jab (more like gently poke because I was and still am terrified of him) him in the center of his chest.

"Berserker don't you dare say that again," the stern expression I held apparently had some sort of effect on him because his own features relaxed but reflected confusion. "You may be a weapon, a familiar, a Servant, but you have to understand that I genuinely like being around you. You scare me to Hell and back, and I can't change that, but I really like that you still go to such lengths to ensure that we're all together and a functioning team.

"If someone isn't able to follow my commands, that's fine; I have Command Seals for a reason. But just because they aren't doing what I say doesn't mean you have more reason to reprimand them or punish them in any fashion.

"You were a person at one point, just like me. You, Berserker, were once a divine being, but you had emotions and you had pride, and everything else. That's all been erased now that you've turned into Berserker, but I know you still have those soft and gentle traits in there somewhere.

"You are _not_ a weapon. You are a Servant, you are a teammate, and you are a friend. You do what you want and you don't do what you don't want to do, just like that Red Berserker ditched us because he didn't want to deal with us." My blue hues were glaring into his crimson orbs now with a burning passion, and I almost felt sadness washing over me from even bothering to think about the emotions that I had to go through from watching Berserker act like this.

"..." The tall male did not respond, gazing right back into my eyes with a dead calm look, but seemingly contemplating my words.

"..." I said nothing, my hands both clenched in front of my chest from the short rant I had gone on just a moment before, before I relaxed them, noticing that I had drawn some blood. I winced when I poked it lightly to assess the damage before ignoring them.

Just before I let my hands fall to my sides, he reached out and caught my right hand, turning it over to look at the cuts himself, gaze glancing over it, as if he were scanning it for something.

After a moment, he sighed through his nose and crouched down so he was eye-level with me. "Let's get you to Rider." I blinked, bewildered, before nodding and moving to stand up, but Berserker stopped me by grabbing my sides and adjusting my body so he could hold me in his arms, much like how one would hold a baby, before striding off without speaking a word.

It was silent all the way to Rider's room, and Berserker opened the door without announcing himself. The purple haired Servant looked up, startled before seeing it was just us and walked over. "Hello, how can I help you?"

Wordlessly, Berserker shoved me forward a bit making me let out a sound of shock, and Rider took notice of the cuts on my palms.

It didn't take long for her to heal them, thankfully, and it seemed Berserker was especially relieved because of that, because as soon as I thanked Rider, he scooped me up again and left. I hugged at him, tugging at his good in frustration. "What was that for? I didn't even get to talk with Rider..."

He didn't respond for what felt like forever, before he glanced down at me before looking away quickly. "I did what I wanted to do."

I blinked in confusion but let it go as we reached our usual spot by the windows. Berserker sat, leaning against the wall, and I plopped down on one of his legs, sitting just behind the spikes on his thighs, and leaned on him. I had started doing this a few days prior, and he seemed alright with it, so I kept doing it. I felt his tail wrap itself around me to ensure I didn't fall over, one of his arms wrapping around me loosely.

My considerably smaller hand resting on his forearm, the other holding a weak grip on three of his fingers. My breathing began to even out before I finally closed my eyes, hearing a small lullaby tune being hummed just beside me.


End file.
